THe Ultimate Pokemon Episode
by Rosie Scrivello DDS
Summary: Insanity from in 1999 by my ex-friend and I... phantom of the opera and matchbox20 are mixed in somewhere too. I warn you... it's .... odd. Flames will light candles to melt the wax for my personal pleasure. ^_~


Pokémon: the ultimate episode  
  
(. This is a little spoof we did .(  
  
Misty: ASH! You idiot! We're lost again!  
  
Ash: It's not MY fault! Brock was the one reading the map!  
  
Brock: That map stinks! It doesn't show half the paths in these woods!  
  
Misty: Then you're BOTH idiots! Ash, you let Brock read the map! Brock, you messed up reading the map!  
  
Togepi: Briii!  
  
Ash and Brock: We're not idiots!  
  
Pikachu: {jumps up and down angrily} Pika pi!  
  
{Two girls wander into the clearing, one tall with short blonde hair and one shorter, with VERY long dark blonde hair}  
  
Abby: Listen, Rose, we're NOT going to find them here!  
  
Rose: Jessie and James always chase the brats around!  
  
{Abby sees Ash, Misty, and Brock, and turns to stare}  
  
Abby: Speaking of the twerps.  
  
{Rose turns around and looks at them, then suddenly growls at them}  
  
Rose: YOU! {Abby grabs her arm}  
  
Abby: Come on, Rose, turn and walk the other way.we're not going to kill anyone today-  
  
Rose- {interrupts her, going over to Brock brandishing a ballpoint pen} Yes we are! {starts stabbing him with it}  
  
Brock: {stares at her} What's your name? Are you busy tonight?  
  
Rose- {stops} I am trying to KILL you! It is NOT the time to ask me out! And yes, in fact, I am.  
  
Ash and Misty: With who?  
  
Rose: A person.  
  
{Brock pulls a gun out of his backpack and walks away}  
  
Brock: I'll be back later.  
  
{the others watch him as he walks away. In a few seconds, he turns and comes back.}  
  
Brock: What's his name and where does he live?  
  
Rose: {gets a dreamy look} Well, his name is James and he lives- {snaps out of it when Abby smacks her in the back of the head} I'm not telling YOU!  
  
Abby: {grabs Rose's arm again} Come ON! We came to find Jessie and James and we're going to find them! {glances at Ash, Misty, and Brock, who are staring at them}  
  
Ash: Jessie and James?! You mean Team Rocket!  
  
Abby and Rose: YOU THINK!? {Abby drags Rose away}  
  
Rose: NO! I WANNA KILL HIM! LET ME GO!  
  
Abby: NO! {they walk away}  
  
Brock: Damn!  
  
Misty: {smacks him} There are young people watching this!  
  
Togepi: Briii!  
  
Pikachu: {jumps on Brock} DIE!  
  
Ash: Pikachu! You talked!  
  
Pikachu: DIE! ALL OF YOU! {jumps down and races away}  
  
{Jessie and James walk into the clearing}  
  
Jessie: That Pikachu has problems!  
  
James: Have you seen two girls, Rose and Abby, come by here?  
  
{Rose and Abby jump out of the bushes. Rose blushes at the sight of James. After a second, Abby does too.}  
  
Rose: He's MINE!  
  
Abby: {glares at her, growls}  
  
Brock: You're fighting over HIM!? {he picks the gun up again}  
  
Abby: {walks over to Brock and smacks him on the head. He collapses, unconscious.}  
  
Misty: Oh my god, you killed Brock!  
  
Ash: You-  
  
{everyone else shouts at once} NO!  
  
Jessie: What is this world coming to?  
  
James: People are watching THAT cartoon!?  
  
Abby: HEY! I watch that! {she pauses} although since Rose got me hooked on this, I don't anymore, but that's-  
  
Ash: {interrupts} That's enough! We can't be productive and TALK! I challenge someone to a Pokémon battle!  
  
{Jessie, James, Abby, and Rose stare at him}  
  
Abby: Why?  
  
Ash: Because!  
  
Jessie: {sneers} Yes, that's certainly a good reason.  
  
Rose: Pokéball, go! {throws a Pokéball}  
  
Misty: {as a Mew comes out} What kind of a Pokémon is that????  
  
James: A Mew! The best you can get! {looks at Rose} Wow.  
  
Abby: {gets jealous} Well, I have a Mewtwo!  
  
Rose: A Mew is more powerful than Mewtwo! You can check your Pokédex!  
  
Abby: FOOL! I don't HAVE a Pokédex! I don't NEED one, unlike the twerp!  
  
Rose: BRAT! NOT TWERP!  
  
Abby: TWERP!  
  
Rose: BRAT!  
  
Abby: TWERP!  
  
Rose: BRAT!  
  
Ash: STOP IT! I'm not a twerp OR a brat!  
  
Jessie, Rose, Abby and James- {yell all at once} YES YOU ARE!  
  
Rose: MEW! Amnesia attack!  
  
Ash: Pikachu, thundershock! {looks around dumbly when nothing happens}  
  
Misty: YOUR PIKACHU RAN AWAY YOU IDIOT!  
  
Pikachu: {jumps out of a tree, brandishing a phone} DIE!  
  
Rose: {takes it} Thank you, Pikachu. {dials it}  
  
Abby: Oooh! Call Bill! And Jesse! We have to tell them where we are! {stares dreamily off into space} And who's here.  
  
Brock: {wakes up} Bill? Is that his name? {grabs his gun and runs off again}  
  
Rose: DON'T PUSH IT.  
  
Abby: He's MINE!  
  
Rose: When did THAT happen! I LIKED HIM FIRST!  
  
Abby: Yeah, well, you got me to, ACCEPT THE COMPETITION!  
  
James: Wow. Two girls are fighting over me.  
  
Jessie: {hits him with a fan} SHUT UP!  
  
Abby and Rose: {turn to Jessie and glare at her} DON'T HIT HIM!  
  
James: {lying on the ground bruised} Wow.  
  
Jessie: Wow. There are people protecting James. Good lord.  
  
{Abby runs to Jessie and starts beating her up while Rose helps James up and starts dragging him away}  
  
Abby: DON'T BEAT HIM UP! {continues yelling at her}  
  
Rose: BYE ABBY! {continues walking away with James}  
  
Ash and Misty: Wow.  
  
The ultimate Pokémon episode (part 2)  
  
  
  
Abby: {notices Rose leaving with James. Gives Jessie one more good blow to the head, knocking her unconscious, then chases them} HE'S MINE AND YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM! {jumps on Rose's back, knocking her down}  
  
Rose: He's MINE!  
  
Abby: MINE!  
  
Rose: MINE!  
  
Abby: MINE!  
  
Rose: MINE!  
  
Abby: Fine! He can choose! {they turn and stand side by side, looking at James}  
  
James: {looks at both of them uncomfortably} Um.  
  
Brock: {walks between Rose and Abby and James} Never fear, girls, I'm here, you don't have to settle for that jerk!  
  
{Rose and Abby reach out and smack him in the head, knocking him out, then turn back to each other}  
  
Rose: He's MINE!  
  
Abby: MINE!  
  
Jessie: {walks up} I'm afraid both of you are wrong. James is MINE.  
  
Ash: {watching from the side} catfight. {goes and drags Brock out of the way}  
  
Pikachu: {jumps out of a tree, holding a gun. Shoots Ash.} DIE! {runs away}  
  
Misty: Oh my god, you killed Ash!  
  
Jessie, James, Rose, and Abby: GO PIKACHU!  
  
{Abby, Rose, and Jessie stand in a circle, yelling at each other}  
  
Abby: He's MINE, you can't-  
  
Rose: Never thought you would say-  
  
Abby: Well you convinced me-  
  
Jessie: He's MINE, I know him, work with him, you don't know him, you can't-  
  
Rose and Abby: {both jump on her. A large cloud of dust forms, out of which you can see a fist come out once every few seconds. Shouting can still be heard.}  
  
Misty: {watches calmly}  
  
{the dust cloud disperses, revealing Abby and Rose standing over Jessie laughing maniacally, both holding mallets. Paper fans litter the ground.}  
  
Abby: We took her mallets, James! She can't beat you up anymore!  
  
Rose: And fans!  
  
Misty: Do you have problems?  
  
Rose and Abby: {in unison} Yes. {they both turn to James} Now CHOOSE!  
  
James: You..you killed Jessie!  
  
Abby: Yeah! We killed Jessie! Now let us tar and feather her, and burn her, and scatter her ashes-  
  
Rose: {interrupts} CALM DOWN! We didn't KILL her! We merely injured her.  
  
Pikachu: {jumps out of a tree again} DIE! {shoots Misty and runs away}  
  
Rose, Abby, and James: {stare}  
  
Abby: That Pikachu's got PROBLEMS.  
  
Rose: You THINK?!  
  
James: It just shot two people!  
  
Abby: Well, does killing Misty and Ash mean it has problems, or common sense?  
  
Rose: I think common sense.  
  
James: Sing, my angels of music!  
  
Rose and Abby- {turn to stare at him} WHAT THE HELL!?  
  
James: {looks confused} I don't know. I just thought I should say that. It seemed right.  
  
Abby: {starts banging head against a tree, mumbling something}  
  
Rose: How does that sound RIGHT!?  
  
James: I.I don't know. I had a sudden impulse to say it.  
  
Rose: ABBY!  
  
Abby: {continues banging head} What?  
  
Rose: The Phantom followed us! He's possessed James!!!!  
  
Abby: {looks up, rubs forehead} WHAT?!  
  
Rose: It makes sense! Why else would James suddenly be calling us angels of music!?!?!?!?!?!!?  
  
Abby: Because he wants to?  
  
Rose: {runs over to Abby and starts choking her}  
  
Abby: {Abby starts turning red from lack of oxygen and hits Rose on the head, and then proceeds to choke her back}  
  
James: Girls! Don't kill each other!  
  
Abby and Rose: {stop choking each other}  
  
Rose: That's so sweet! He's trying to save our lives! {swoons}  
  
Abby: {hits her on the head} From each OTHER, you idiot! 'sides, he's too sweet to watch someone die!  
  
James: You girls are too weird. I am not USED to this!  
  
Abby: That's because Jessie abuses you!  
  
Rose: Yeah. But we took her mallets and fans.  
  
Abby: We still haven't tarred and feathered and burned her! And scattered her ashes, and-  
  
James: {interrupts} I don't WANT you to kill Jessie! She's my best friend! {dreamily} And so pretty.  
  
Abby and Rose: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!  
  
James: NO!  
  
Abby: TRAITOR!  
  
{two other guys wander into the clearing. One of them is wearing a white mask over half of his face. The other is carrying a microphone. Abby and Rose immediately turn when they hear them. A lasso starts floating toward Cara}  
  
Abby: {looks at one and raises a hand to her mouth with a gasp} Holy word-I- shouldn't-say..{raises hands to the level of her eyes} I didn't mean all the rude jokes! Really!  
  
Rose: {eyes widen, jaw drops} Erik! Leave her alone! {the lasso falls to the ground}  
  
Phantom: Damn. I wanted to kill her! WHY DID YOU STOP ME!?  
  
Rose: Cause..{starts turning red}  
  
Abby: {without looking, reaches over with other hand and closes Rose's mouth, pushing her chin up} Rob? Is that you?  
  
Guy with microphone: Um.yeah. Rob Thomas..  
  
Abby: {knees buckle}  
  
Rose: {catches her, pulls her back up}  
  
Abby: Rob..Thomas.Matchbox20.  
  
Rob: {getting annoyed} Yeah! Why am I here? We were recording a song for our new album and suddenly I'm here! And this really annoying girl with pink hair tried to kill me for some reason!!!!  
  
Abby: {continues staring at him} Yeah, we're going to tar and feather her later.{sidles up to him} I'll help you go back if you want.  
  
Rob: Um.Okay.  
  
Abby: {grabs his hand, drags him away}  
  
Rose: {turns to the other guy} Hi..I'm Chri- err, Rose Ben- Daaé-  
  
Phantom: You try my patience! Choose a name!  
  
Rose: Erika. {staring at him}  
  
Phantom: Erika, huh?  
  
Rose: {nods} Erika.  
  
Phantom: {walks over to her, wraps cape around her} Come, my angel of music lessons! {he and Rose disappear}  
  
James: Okay.  
  
Jessie: {wakes up} Those brats! They- hey! Where did they go!  
  
James: Jessie? What's a music lesson?  
  
Jessie: {sweatdrop} Ummm.{whispers in his ear}  
  
James: {falls down}  
  
Jessie: {looks around wildly, runs away} Good riddance!  
  
James: JESSIE!  
  
Jessie: {continues}  
  
James: Typical. Just when things were going well, Rose and Abby fall in love with two other guys and Jessie runs away. HELP! SOMOENE!!! ANYONE! JESSIE! ROSE! ABBY! ::hesitates:: TWERPS! ::to himself:: oh, yeah. They died. MEOWTH! SOMEONE! ANYONE! HELLLPPPPPP!!!!!!! ::his voice echoes, and a swarm of beedrills rises from a nearby tree and flies straight for him:: Oh, NO! ::starts running, the beedrills chase him:: HELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!! 


End file.
